Children of Narcissistic Parenting face unique challenges that can have long-lasting effects on their well-being. Imagine a mother who, while appearing to be the ideal parent in front of others, lashes out at her family at home when they offend her. Imagine a father who doesn’t take responsibility for his kids, purposefully confuses his children by growling at them at their slightest mistakes, but maintains an ideal image in front of society.
High-time We Accept It
Yes, this happens. These are straight traits of narcissism in parents that can have a huge toll on kids. Everything could appear great and normal in public. However, the real tale happens behind closed doors. Children raised by narcissistic parents are deprived of a normal upbringing. Thus, as adults, they feel as though they must rediscover how to lead a normal life. Millennials are the first to talk about narcissistic parenting and its damaging effects on them. In fact, in most parts of the world parents are considered to be next to God and above and beyond any fault.
Dramatic parent-child relationships are common. But very negative impacts of this can be severe and long-lasting for the ones raised by narcissistic parents. A child’s mental health and self-esteem may suffer long-term consequences as an adult if they were raised by one or more narcissistic parents. However, understanding the consequences of their parent’s behavior and getting professional assistance can promote healing and prevent the cycle from happening again.
A narcissist lacks the qualities of good parenting such as:
Empathy
Compassion
Support
Involvement
Love, and
Guidance
A narcissist often raises children who develop into codependent, people-pleasers and have poor self-esteem adults. They are young children who never feel worthy in the eyes of their parents or of others. Anycriticism or attack on the narcissistic person’s carefully formed self-image is difficult for them to handle. When this occurs, they may lose their temper, insult people, struggle to control their emotions, and subtly feel ashamed, vulnerable, and humiliated. If these characteristics sound too identical to what you witnessed in your parents as a child, it’s possible you were raised by narcissists.
Being Raised By a Narcissistic Parent
The feeling that “I am not good enough” is a result of having a narcissistic parent. Narcissistic parents typically develop a possessive bond with their young children. Parents use their children as a source of self-esteem because they regard them as an extension of themselves: “Look at how perfect my children are, didn’t I do a terrific job!” For them, the kids are mostly their tools to draw other people’s attention.
This is true for a group of narcissistic parents. For others, the responsibility of raising a child is a heck in itself. They become parents just for the sake of it and then avoid their minimum responsibility of raising the child. Such children are neglected and unattended for their basic needs as well. This even includes square meals and caregiving.
Children learn to adapt to the mold that their parents have for them. This can make them anxious because they are always putting their own preferences aside in order to please their parent.
For their life to be stable, children of narcissistic parenting must follow the parent’s rules. The parent may become upset, cry, or reprimand the child for expressing their own feelings or thoughts. Because of this, the children are led to believe that their thoughts and feelings are meaningless, invalid, and irrelevant. As a result, they frequently suppress their own emotions in an effort to maintain harmony in the home.
Spectrum of Narcissism on Children of Narcissistic Parenting
Sometimes narcissists aren’t vicious. They are often good people, but they almost always impose restrictions on their generosity. The youngster will frequently realize that their caring toward them makes them feel dependent on them. The thought “If I do something for you, you owe me” always arises with deeds of compassion, whether it is overt or covert. Love is conditional, as is kindness.
Even under the best of circumstances, a narcissist’s behavior can be challenging to handle, so imagine how unpredictable and disturbing it can feel to a young child. Children of narcissistic parenting sacrifice their own self-esteem and blame themselves in order to maintain hope because they are unable to just stand up and leave their homes. The child internalizes the notion that they are the issue: “My parent would love me more if I was better at this or that.” As they think that any resistance or negativity they encounter from the child is their fault, the parent’s own conviction that they are the ideal parent further strengthens this.
The challenge of having a narcissistic parent is that the youngster frequently is unaware that anything is wrong. We are only exposed to things via our families as we are growing up. Years may pass before the child, who is now an adult, starts to understand their upbringing. This realization is made easier by a friend or partner who can spot the narcissist’s odd or weird parenting style.
